As a leader, you may not realize the impact your communication style has on your team’s morale and productivity.

Conversational narcissism, a term coined by sociologist Charles Derber, is a common behavior that can significantly hinder effective communication and teamwork. Conversational narcissists tend to steer conversations toward themselves, and dismiss others’ opinions, which can lead to frustration, resentment, and disengagement among team members.

In fact, just recently, an article at Preply shared that “95% of people have worked with someone who talks too much.” And that same research study found that “62% of Americans say they don’t enjoy working with chatty coworkers.”

In my work with teams and team leaders, connection and collaboration actually HELP IMPROVE morale and productivity. 

I would argue that the issue many people have with those “chatty coworkers” is that they become annoying because they keep the spotlight on THEMSELVES rather than inquiring with curiosity about others.

That is the problem that conversational narcissism creates in your workplace.

Derber’s research encourages team members and leaders to stop shifting conversations and monopolizing discussions. 

Instead, you will develop better relationships and more productive interactions through supportive responses and inviting your conversational partner to share more.

In this article, you’ll discover how to improve workplace communication and morale by not being a conversational narcissist and using the power of supporting conversations.

Shift the Focus from Yourself to Others

The first step to avoiding conversational narcissism is to shift the focus from yourself to others. Listen actively, ask open-ended questions, and show genuine interest in others’ ideas and opinions.

By doing so, you create a more inclusive environment where everyone feels heard and valued. According to a study by Deloitte, inclusive teams outperform their peers by 80% in team-based assessments.

Support and Encourage Your Coworkers

Another way to avoid conversational narcissism is to support and encourage others. Acknowledge their contributions, provide constructive feedback, and celebrate their successes.

By doing so, you build trust and strengthen relationships, which are essential for effective teamwork. A study by Gallup found that teams with high levels of trust outperform their peers by 50% in productivity.

Conversational Narcissists Monopolize Discussions

So, you will want to stop monopolizing discussions, which can lead to frustration and disengagement among team members. To avoid this, encourage participation and give everyone an opportunity to speak. Set ground rules for discussions, such as taking turns, respecting others’ opinions, and staying on topic.

According to a study by McKinsey, teams that encourage equal participation are twice as likely to outperform their peers.

Example of Shifting and Supporting Conversations:

Imagine that you are leading a brainstorming session with your team.

Instead of dominating the conversation, you start by asking open-ended questions and actively listening to everyone’s ideas. You acknowledge their contributions, provide constructive feedback, and encourage them to build on each other’s ideas.

When someone is struggling, you offer support and guidance, and when someone succeeds, you celebrate their achievement. By doing so, you create a collaborative and supportive environment where everyone feels valued and engaged.

Derber distinguishes the “shift-response” from the “support-response in these examples:

“John: I’m feeling really starved.

 Mary: Oh, I just ate. (shift-response)

 John: I’m feeling really starved.

 Mary: When was the last time you ate? (support-response)

 John: God, I’m feeling so angry at Bob.

 Mary: Yeah, I’ve been feeling the same way toward him. (shift-response)

 John: God, I’m feeling so angry at Bob.

 Mary: Why, what’s been going on between the two of you? (support-response)”

The issue, of course, is that far too many of our coworkers and leaders seem to have a tendency for using “shift” responses which keep their people from feeling seen, heard, and understood.

Derber suggests that “Conversational narcissism involves preferential use of the shift-response and underutilization of the support-response.” And if you want to IMPROVE your interactions you will recognize that ideal conversations occur when neither party tries to monopolize the spotlight of attention.

What YOU Need to Remember

Conversational narcissism can significantly hinder effective communication and teamwork in the workplace. By shifting the focus from yourself to others, supporting and encouraging others, and avoiding monopolizing discussions, you can improve workplace communication and morale.

Remember, as a leader, your communication style and tendencies set the tone for your team’s interactions, performance and success. By using the power of supporting responses in your conversations, you stop being a conversational narcissist.

And you begin to create a culture of inclusivity, trust, and collaboration that drives productivity and engagement.

Want to increase YOUR team’s awareness of the impact their attitude and actions are having on team productivity? 

Consider scheduling a customized business team building event that will connect your people, increase collaboration, and develop leadership skills.

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Sean Glaze delivers engaging conference keynotes and interactive team building events that help healthcare and education leaders build more positive and profitable cultures.

Sean is also an author, and each of his four books, The Unexpected Leader, Rapid Teamwork, The 10 Commandments of Winning Teammates, and Staying Coachable, are entertaining parables with powerful take-aways for team growth and leadership! 

What issues are YOU dealing with that would disappear if you could build a team culture that inspired connection, accountability, and a team-first attitude?